I remember the nervousness, It had been only 20 days since my wedding, I was late by 8 days. In the pit of my stomach, I dreaded the worst ..
My husband had left me with my inlaws almost immediately after the honeymoon. It was new, unfamiliar terrain, and I felt so sure . I called and texted my husband a few times to speak of my fears . He brushed it aside, he said it was too soon, and I was being too anxious . Truth be told, he was the kind of guy, who didn’t even know that home pregnancy kits existed .
I called my best friend, he was a doctor, tears rolled down as I explained, he found the whole situation amusing . I still can here his casual statement, ‘Go buy a pregnancy test’ . I was furious, this was not what I had signed up for . Marriage was supposed to be, oodles of cuddling, romantic selfies, walking hand in hand , not rubbing my tummy and checking my weight .
It was three days since I suspected, and I couldn’t bring myself to go to a pharmacy . How could I go, how could I ask, and to top it all, I was stuck in this new house. That day after lunch, I burst into tears, my mother in law commented, ‘Oh she must be homesick’. It was far from homesick, I had lost my appetite, my husband thought I was joking, my friend offered to get me a test- how embarrassing, and I couldn’t find an excuse to leave the house . I mean what would I tell them ?
Day 4 dawned, I had given up on my husband, though he promised he would take the flight to Chennai that weekend, I wanted to get it out of my head. I faked a headache and mustered the courage to go to the pharmacy. It was a nightmare .
My fresh yellow mangalsutra shined bright, I felt every eye in the pharmacy was on me. My face was red and hot with embarrassment, and I remember running out the store. The actual test was even more humiliating . Did the instructions really say, I had had to add pee on the stick. ‘Ughh disgusting. That is so yuck’ – that is all that played in my head. Besides how was I supposed to do that ?
A few minutes later I remember being completely blank, staring at 2 lines. Absolutely blank, Oh and then the tears came…